Demise for Salvation
by kiminitodoke
Summary: I will never forget the day he was forced to come into my home. How could I when he started this sinful intoxication I harbored for him? The weekly visit was the only time I could indulge myself in his image, and I cherished each second he was around my presence...Forgive me, Lord, for I am in love with a devil. P.S. Reviews are welcomed and affect quantity and quality of writing!
1. Chapter 1

This is a new fanfiction by a new author so I apologies if it is not to your liking. This was inspired by various fanfictions I have read in the past ,and I hope I don't offend anybody because that is not my intent. Reviews would only help me to enhance my writing. I hope everyone enjoys! Sorry for mistakes and such.

Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji…

I stood behind the podium, looking down at all the people who were waiting for me to speak my words of wisdom. As I looked at each face, I couldn't stop the miniscule intake of breath when I spotted him. The object of my affection. My personal poison. He was squeezed between his beautiful mother and prominent father. His scowl spoke volumes to my heart and I couldn't stop the slight rising of my body heat. His blue grayish tint of hair framed his perfectly constructed face. I quickly scolded myself for grazing upon for too long and I sharply turned my glance at the people who were entering the church. I smiled politely, waiting until it was time to start. Like an addict, my gaze went straight to him. His lips were moving, probably to speak to his mother for his head was inclined towards her, but I only hoped that he was trying to whisper sweet nothings to me. I sighed, knowing that it was just a wish and nothing more. The pews began to fill up more and I knew I would have to banish him from my thoughts to proceed. I took a deep breath and projected my voice to quiet the audience. My black robe flowed around me as I began to move to my hands as I spoke words of faith… Until the service ended, I would be forced to ignore him. The person who is both my salvation and my demise. My beautiful Ciel.


	2. Chapter 2

Hello there, everybody! Spring Break causes little spurts of energy in me so I decided to make another chapter for my few viewers, which I am ecstatic to have, by the way. Hope there are more viewers coming my way.

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

I do not know when my innocent fasciation began to twist into something more sinister. He was a child after all, albeit a beautiful one. Matter of fact, the first thought that swept into my mind was _stunning _when he first appeared at the entrance at the church. _Maybe because he was new_, I would think, trying to justify why Ciel captured my interest so rapidly. It did become rather tedious to preach to faces that I saw every day since birth. That could be why I felt a smidge of excitement when acquiring information that a new family would be moving into town; so when he and his family stepped into the building of worship, I could not stop the slow smile that flashed onto my face. The rumors that spread around prior to their arrival did not do the family justice, or rather, what was said about Ciel paled in comparison to his live appearance. "I heard that they were a gorgeous family!" and "The parents are so young looking and look at their boy! He's adorable!" were little snippets that I heard around my small, isolated town. I scoff now when I remember what they said about him. Yes, he was cute but he was so much more. So unique compared to other children. His first reluctant attendance altered my priorities gradually. At the age of nine, Ciel caused a stir of doubt to arise in me for the first time. A man who never doubted his faith in God now questioned why his God in the first place would create such temptation. Why was his God putting him through this grueling test?


	3. Chapter 3

Yay! More reviews! Two of the comments, so the majority of the comments, mentioned that this fanfiction reminded them of Devil's Child. Well, that is the one of many inspirations that promoted me to write this fanfiction! However, my story is going to be different than Brutal-Bugaboo's story. In my summary, there is a small part where I said that this story was influenced by various fanfictions and how I mean to not offend anybody, so I am sorry if I did…but I am going to keep writing!

Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji nor the original idea of Sebastian being a priest and whatnots.

Warnings: Sebastian's past… might be boring but important

_Your body is a temple..._ A line I am most familiar with in the Bible. Though it is my duty to know the Bible back and forth, this particular quote will always be installed in me for the rest of my life for it caused a grimace of distaste to creep onto my face. Why? Why could such an insignificant passage, compared to the rest, from the Bible, create such a distinct reaction? At the age of 28, I could still not disregard my past were my father used to savagely distribute beatings to me daily. Each time the beatings would commence, surely and without fail, the line would slip past his alcohol abused lips. "Your" a slap here, "body" a well-placed kick to the stomach, "is" a twist of the arm, "a temple!" and a firm grip to my hair, which would be loosened as he brought my head to the ground. My father was never a religious man but for some reason, the line sat well with him. I never understood for I was a child. That is why when he came home, rather tired from his escapades, I, with my morbid sense of curiosity, decided to ask him why he gave me his "lessons", as he refers to them, and why he repeats that disturbing line. His response was to grab my chin and whisper, "You are like a temple, beautiful and elegant but so easily tarnished and dirtied. It amuses me to see how dirty you can get," he laughed after in a manic fashion. At that moment, irony filled my body because for the first time, my submissive mother entered the room, declaring that she had enough with my father and that we were leaving. Beatings she could witness but this is what finally broke her, a mere menacing clarification. After that, we reported my father to the police. He was shortly arrested for endangerment of a child, not mention other victims who decided to speak up that my father had sexually assaulted them, adding more time to his sentence. My mother and I were forced to move into a shelter for our home was no longer a home but a painful reminder of my mother's failure of being just that, a mother. Her words, not mine. That is where my passion for religion came into being. The shelter offered services to lift up our trampled sprits. The few years that I had received my beatings hurt a little less each time I heard sermons from the local priests. In a way, I thank my abusive father and neglectful mother for they had led me to finding my life's purpose. Of course, that was before Ciel entered my life. The line would then start to blur in its meaning.


	4. Chapter 4

Spring Break is coming to an end and so is my energy! NOOO! That's why I am going to post longer chapter! Hope who ever reads comments on the story so I can improve!

Warning: My timeline and/or events do not correlate to the original Kuroshitsuji. Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

I suppose I should amend what I had previously stated pertaining to my inclination towards Ciel. I knew the precise moment when my virtuous thoughts began to morph into…well, into culpable contemplation, to put it simply. I had one day of each week for one year with him when he first moved to my town. That year passed with fondness. No ill intent feelings were present in me in that time. He and I exchanged small talk when the situation presented itself. He was almost like a little brother to me. He looked at me as a role model and I could not be any more content. However, as I mentioned, I only had him for one year, one year before he was stolen. I do not remember how I acquired the information on how he was taken but I do vividly recall my reaction. It was pitiful to say the least. I never once in my life felt so desolated as did then. Unable to be consoled by worldly things. Not even my savior could offer me solace in my time of grief. Though his parents lost a son, I felt that my pain was akin with theirs. I even believed that if we were to measure our anguish, mine would indisputably defeat theirs tenfold. Each day passed with…That year was…I…

The day he came back brought the life that was sucked out of me when he disappeared. I was one of the first to gain the knowledge that he had returned for I had been a common presence for the sullen Phantomhives. His father, being the brilliant man that he is, used his various connections to locate his son from an underground ring of some sort. The small details of what that ring was is still a mystery to me, but it didn't matter. He was back. Bruised, yes, scarred, perhaps, damaged, undoubtedly so, but he was _**back. **_That moment was when my feelings altered. Just the sight of him after being deprived for so long had my heart racing. And then, to solidify my epiphany, I felt his small, eleven year old, body pressed against mine for the first time. The embrace caused so many overwhelming emotions to overcome me that I cannot even begin to comprehend the majority of them. The hug was prompted by me, of course, and I did not miss the way Ciel recoiled at my forceful touch. Although I should feel discouraged at his response, I could not be any happier because that meant that he was alive and safe. Safe in my arms at last.

His year away from society distorted him. His smile, if there was one, was feigned. A façade for his worried parents, I believe. His weekly visits resumed prior to his abduction. He remained seated between his parents. The few interactions we once had dwindled but that was okay with me. I had my faith back. I had my Ciel.


	5. Chapter 5

_Hello there! I just got back from an amazing trip with my team so I am in a great mood. Though the views of my story seems to be dwindling, I still want to keep writing. This is part 1 and part 2 might be updated tomorrow or Monday. I hope whomever reads my story enjoys._

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything!_

_Silently, he stalks into my headquarters. Stealthily, he caresses the door closed, sealing him and me alone in my compacted room. Brazenly, he saunters up the path to my desk, which I am seated behind, squirming with either apprehension or anticipation. His purpose for this impromptu visit escapes me, and I am perplexed beyond belief. My eyes zoom in to his impeccable face, which is twisted into a coy sneer. His eyes, his striking eyes, dance with mischief and something indescribable that makes my insides quiver. As he halts at the front of my hoary desk, my breath decides to cease as well. It only begins to pick up when he slithers his hands on top of the surface of the furniture and leans his upper body in my direction. His head progresses in a steady pace towards me, and I can feel his heat radiate off him in waves, creating a hurricane of conflicting emotions to stir in me . He stops all movement when his face hovers close to mine. He confines me with his prevailing stare. A stare so unrelenting that it refuses to grant me a second of mercy that would lead me to gather my thoughts. Then again, all ideas of thinking are irrelevant when he finally opens his plump, voluptuous lips. "Father," he breathes the title that was bestowed upon me, "can you help me?" I hesitate for I am not sure of what to make of his sultry and provocative actions. I clear my throat, hoping that I can dispel whatever entrapment he casted upon me. "What do you need help with, my son?" I speak softly as to not startle him with a loud voice; however, my choices of words cause a reaction in both him and I. I should had reframed from calling him in such a…conflicting manner for the next thing I know, he had climbed on top of the desk. On all fours, he smiles. I gulp. He lunges._


	6. Chapter 5 part 2

Here it comes!

Disclaimer: same

_In the span of a second, a millisecond, Ciel was sprawled across my lap. His thin, lanky arms leisurely came to cross behind my warm neck. His slender legs flanked my hips, and I fervently prayed that he could not feel my pulsating member through my robe and black pants. The result of his close proximity had instigated a foreign response from my body. I had never once indulged in carnal pleasures so just the thought of Ciel in this position had pants leaving my open lips. He pressed flush against me causing a flush of my own to spread across my face. "Father," he whispered sensually, his lips brushing slightly against mine, "I think I rather like you calling me that." He suddenly pushed his hips down and I could not even fathom the notion of stopping the harsh moan that ripped from my throat. My head had tilted back from the intense gratification his simple action had produced. His fingers threaded into my disarrayed hair, pulling my head even more down. My chair squeaked as Ciel leaned closer to me. I felt his fiery breath over my neck, and my pelvis instinctively snapped up to meet his. When a hiss escaped his mouth, I lost any rationalization I might have had. My hands, which had previously been resting in a tranquil fashion, now snacked down his back. My touch started out soft, light as a feather; however, when my fingers found purchase on his hipbone, I squeezed without caution. A piercing whine filled the air and my hips unconsciously moved yet again. Soon, a rhythm of thrusting started. We were both inexperienced but that made it more exciting to me. It was now his head that snapped back while my lips roamed his pale throat. The sound the chair made echoed against my undecorated wall, demonstrating to whoever was listening our passionate, intimate…bonding. My grunts mixed well with his high-pitched moans. Our movements increased and I could feel a tension pulling into to my stomach. I felt overheated, on fire, ready to burst. I knew what was happening to me. I was not that naïve to not know what occurred after being stimulated sexually so rigorously. Yes, I never had an orgasm while being pleasured physically, but there was a first time for everything. The tears that welled up in Ciel's eyes and the small dribble of drool that left his lips told me that he too was almost at his completion. "Father! Oh, Father! I'm… ah…hah…please…I can't…ahhhhh! Oh! Oh god!" His voice reached a new octave as our hips met each other's at an alarming rate. We were almost there. His body tensed and he screamed, "Sebastian!" He started to convulse from the overload of pleasure, which only fueled my impending release. He suddenly grabbed my face and brought our redden lips together in an erotic kiss. As our lips met, I exploded. I could not take the feel of his youthful body against my own nor could I handle the sweet sin that was his lips. I let out a yell of my own and a chant of his name, almost resembling a song or an intoxicating siren's call. Our lips parted and he started to say something when…_

When I woke up. Dreams like this occur quite frequently since his arrival. If I was lucky, I would wake up with a wet, sticky spot; however, sometimes I would be forced to undergo a cold, inexorable shower. It seemed to me that my fantasies were now on the border of becoming nightmares. They were delightful to have, but each dream brought a new, painful wave of guilt and self-loathing. I wanted him but I also wanted my God. Could I possibly have both or was I doomed to suffer for the rest of my life? 


	7. Chapter 6

It has been a long time and I apologize for that; however, I feel like writing again so here I go! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: same

Two months. Though Vincent and Rachel used to invite me reguraly over to their house during Ciel's usurpation, it took two months for the Phantomhives to allow visitors into their home again. I know that they were fretting over their son's safety, and they were severely apprehensive about people's proximity towards the battered Ciel; yet, I couldn't deny the small twinge of resentment that welled up in me as I was restricted the right to be with Ciel. The weekly visits started to lose their glamor since his reappearance, and I yearned for more. Just a little more time to intake his beauty. A little more chances to witness his diaphragm moving up and down as he breathed air, as he breathed life within me.

"What a lovely service, Father. I really enjoyed the atmosphere that you delivered today, " Rachel praised. She had sauntered up toward my podium with her husband and the lovely Ciel by her side. As she complimented me, my eyes strayed near my fixation. He looked bored and unamused. It seemed that being here, next to me, was one of the few places he would have chosen for himself. I internally cringed in despair. My eyes ripped from Ciel in favor of his mother and father. His mom continued to gush about the session while his father nodded in agreement. It wasn't until Vincent cleared his throat that I focused on to what they were saying.

"It seems we have taken some of your resting time, Father Sebastian. If you wouldn't mind though, we would like to invite you for dinner. We have missed your company at our table, " Vincent declared. His smile mirrored Rachel's and I could not sense any insincerity in their eyes. I repressed the glee that threaten to expose itself from their simple invitation. I merely allowed for a calm, turning of my lips to reveal my contentment.

"I would be most delighted and honored to go," I humbly announced. In my peripherals, I noticed a slight movement, which then in turn caused my head to tilt to identify the motion. Ciel had lowered his delicate chin downwards, and though that might have blocked my view, it was very noticable that his expression was disgruntled, to say the least. My acceptance of their proposal deeply upset the boy, but if ill feelings from Ciel is the consequence to be near him, then I would gladly be the cause of his dissatisfaction.

"Well, you are quite aware of where we live, so we will expect you to be there at our estate at 8?" Rachel politely asked. I gave my approval with a nod. "Splendid! Then we will see you then. Oh, I almost forgot. Tonight is a special night so, Father, please come dressed in something comfortable and suitable for a semi-formal occasion. Not that your clothing right now is unacceptable because it is. It's just-" Vincent cut off her off by placing a hand on her petite shoulder.

"Honey, I think that you made your point despite the babble that followed. Let's leave the man before he changes his mind, shall we? Come Ciel, we have to get ready ourselves," Vincent spoke, oozing charisma. Without futher adou, he guided Rachel and Ciel out of the chapel.

I turned, walking slowly toward my headquaters, pondering about what this night's events could hold. A special occasion, I thought. Hmm. I can hardly wait.


	8. Chapter 7

Whoever is still reading, enjoy! !

Clothing. I am particularly not fond of that subject. Growing up in a shelter alters the perception one might have had in a regular environment. I never hit the age where I thought fashion was important in order to conform to a clique. I worried about the bigger questions in life rather than the latest trend. God was and is my foremost responsibility. Yet...I am now regretting my obliviousness to the nature of style. Most of my articles of clothing were either my robes or something dull. This would be the first normal gathering with Ciel, and, by the look of how things were going, I will turn up looking like an uneducated, buffoon! I might as well be in a cage with a sign that states, "Free entertainment!" A grown man who can not dress himself is not worth his salt.

I am quite aware of how I was behaving. Like a love struck teenage girl who was going on her first date with the love of her life. In a sense, that perfectly described me. These feelings were new to me. Ciel was new to me, and I couldn't help but being obsessed with the small, trivial things that pertained to him.

I shook my head, trying to clear my hectic thoughts. I skimmed through the closet until I decided on a pair of black slacks that I typically used with my robes. Now I had to pick a shirt that wasn't black or else Rachel would criticize me that I had not followed her orders. I quickly decided on a dark maroon shirt in hopes that it would highlight my skin and would make my eyes pop. I hastily made my way to my bathroom. I couldn't possibly encounter Ciel and risk assaulting him with my pernicious smell. It was better to be safe then sorry. My shower ran short, for the jitters of my body made it impossible to actually enjoy my bath. The incitement of the dinner had me polished in record speed and out the door. I started a brisk pace as soon as my foot met the pavement. Since I didn't have a car at my disposal, I frequently made my way to Ciel's home the old fashion way. It wasn't a long trip. In fact, it gave me the chance to ponder. I know that this walk would be spent thinking of all the possibilities that awaited me tonight.

The sight of the house came to view, and I had to forcefully repress the urge to sprint to his door step. As I reached the fence that blocked the public from their property, I noticed an unfamiliar vehicle parked in the driveway. Immediately, I felt a shot of apprehension dwindle down into my veins. My pulse ceased and yet... I experienced heat. An inferno that left me physically weak and drained. My feet unconsciously dragged me forward until his door was before me. I lifted my hand to knock, still feeling dreadful. My fist kissed the wood, and the impulse to escape, to hide nearly rewired my sensibility. The only thing that halted me was the turning of the mechanism inside the doorknob. Instantly, my body relaxed as a warm smile greeted me through the opened door.

"Welcome, Sebastian. I am glad to see you looking well. Did you have any trouble coming today? " Tanaka, the family's butler, asked.

"Of course not, my friend. It was a breeze as always except the circumstances are more joyous than most. After all, Ciel is back and safe," I chatted. Tanaka's expression and demeanor released the tension that had filled my body. I could trust Tanaka, even though at times he could be cryptic. I disregarded his hand that opened to take my coat, and placed it in the closet that was perpendicular to the entrance. As far as I was concerned, Tanaka was my equal, nothing less nor more. We exchanged looks accompanied by knowing smile. We quietly talked as he led me to the foyer. We just rounded the corner when I spotted teal. My heart sped up. A flash a yellow infused with teal. My heart drops. Around Ciel's shoulder is a girl. Her nose his buried in the crook of his neck, of my neck. Her legs dangle, trying to intertwine their legs together. My vision swarms,and I stumble. Though Tanaka is old, his strength did not deter from age. He steadies me as I fight to cling to my sanity. He questions if I am okay and just as he is truthful to me, I do not hesitate to proclaim that I am not. It takes a minute for the people in the living room to notice our arrival. By the time that they did, I had managed to become grounded again.

"Sebastian! You are here! Welcome!" Rachel's enthusiasm rolls off her in waves. I say hello to her and her husband. I purposely avoid the two because I am terrified of my reaction. She turned to the guest that I had failed to acknowledge. A stiff looking woman and a warm-hearted man sat opposite from Ciel and...and the girl. "Everyone is here so let me start the introduction. Sebastian, this is Frances and Alexis Midford," she introduced. I shook their hands. "And this is Elizabeth, Ciel's fiancée."


	9. Chapter 8

I have so much inspiration so I hope people review to give me more!

Disclaimer: You know.

Fi...ancee...Fian...cee...Fiancee. Ciel's soon to be wife. Ciel's wife. Ciel's. Immediately, black swarmed my vision. My lungs constricted, yet I couldn't gather the will to expand them. Was this what my subconscious wanted to tell me? To warn me that this night would be my doom? That everything would turn bleak and pointless? This is what Rachel wanted me to witness? How cruel of her, taunting me with the mere notion that something would happen in my favor. I distinctly heard a throat clear, causing my head to swivel in the direction of the sound. I must give my thanks to Tanaka because he kept on saving me. Maybe it was his intuition that told him to help me. Whatever it was, I am eternally grateful. The frequency that escaped his mouth delivered me the capacity to reel myself to the present. I looked at my friend, trying to hide my anguish. In order to get through the night, I would have to create the pretense of my life. I forced myself to breathe. I turned to Rachel, standing so close to the engaged couple.

I plastered a fake smile and spoke, "Marriage? Aren't they a little young for such thoughts?" I could possibly try to dissuade them from their decision.

"They are not going to get married this second, Mr. Sebastian. The arrangement is for the future. I want my daughter to be worried free and this situation would do just that," Mrs. Frances decoded. Her words did something that distracted me from my misery; it caused fury to erupt from my heart. Try as I may, I could not squash it and at the moment, feeling something other pain was a relief.

"With all due respect, I think matrimony is not a subject that should be taken lightly. Did you ask the two about how they feel?" I tried to keep my voice leveled, but it still managed to tremor in sorrow and anger.

"I love Ciel. And he loves me. Why are you being mean?" Her voice pierced through the room or, more importantly, my shattered heart. Love? What could she ever know of that emotion! To insinuate that Ciel reciprocated her feelings revealed that she knew nothing! Ciel does not love me, but he surely does not love that blond brat either!

"Miss Elizabeth, I am only trying to give an objective perspective," I lied. Wrong, I know but necessary. "I just want the best for you and Ciel," That wasn't a total lie. I did want the best for Ciel, just not her, and the best for Ciel did not include her in the picture. "I apologize if I come across as hostile or mean. That was not my intention," Another half lie.

"It's quite alright, Sebastian. Lizzy is too sensitive at times. Tanaka, is the food ready? I am starving," Alexis, Ciel's soon to be father-in-law, interjected smoothly. He grinned, dissolving some of the intense atmosphere though doing nothing for my inner turmoil.

On cue, Mey-Rin, the maid, entered the room, announcing that the dishes have been finished and plated. Everyone began leaving the foyer. I remained in my devastation. A hand on my shoulder left me startled.

"Sebastian, I think it would benefit you tremendously if you excused yourself for tonight. I will makeup a reason as to your departure," Tanaka offered. His eyes shined with sympathy. Did he know? I couldn't contemplate on the idea to long because my thoughts were cut off as giggles filled the dinning room that was next to this one. My shoulders slumped even further down.

"Thank you, friend. I must have come down with an illness of some sort. Please give them my apologies," I said while turning and heading for my escape.

"I will. And Sebastian...you will get better. After all, time heals all wounds," he concluded. I closed the door on his words.


	10. Chapter 9

Hello! 'Things are finally going to pick up! I am sorry it is going at a slow pace but I think I am getting better on length and the dramatics. Next chapter will be great! So keep reading and if you have time review! If you haven't read my other stories, please do! I don't know which one to update next so if you read them, please give me your preference! Or maybe I should start another story? I don't know! Leave your opinions!

Love. Have I betrayed you in a way? Have I been unfaithful? Did I not give you enough attention? Did I not consider sinning for you?And this is how you repay me? Mercy is not in your repertoire of words because if it was, Ciel would be in my arms, not hers. Instead, an exhibit of your magic has been carefully set up for me tonight. Well, I must say. You out did yourself. I know now that I will never trust you again. It's time I ignore your call.

I lean against the door, trying to mend the pieces of my divided heart. I give in to the moment and let tears narrate my weakness. The car of the Milford's taunts me. Screaming at me that it belongs there and that I don't and never will. I feel alienated. Alone. Unwanted. I cry more. I visualize smashing the car with a rock. It is only fair, for the owners' did the same to my heart. The only thing that halts me is that it is wrong. I shall not succumb to those feelings because I would shame my Lord.

I trudge away from the house. I do not dare to look back. I keep walking, leaving a trail of my tears in my wake. The romanticized night I had envisioned had taken a hellish turn, and I all need is to crawl to my sanctuary.

On my way home, I see a bar that I have passed many times. During the time of Ciel's disappearance, I felt the pull of the place on numerous occasions. However, I gravitate to it more today. I never realized until now, but I must have known that Ciel would return. I guess the engaged couple made it clear that Ciel would never return to me or return my feelings. I ignore my judgement and enter. I don't last a minute before I high-tail it out of there. I once again head home.

I arrive at the church. I collapse onto the pews closest to the entry. I weep for my lost, but a small piece of me rejoices. Maybe tomorrow will bring me light. Maybe I can start to surround my thoughts on my Savior rather than Ciel. This was for the best.

I come to with a sore neck and heart. It is early. The sun barely peaks out and shines through the painted glass. I get up and rush to my room before anyone comes for morning prayers. I sluggishly take a shower, washing away the tears that I shed and any misery that clung to my skin. I exit and look into the mirror. I saw a shell of myself. Hollow and dreadfully empty. I attempt to smile but a scowl takes over. I am in a foul mood but that would change. It would have to in order to keep up appearances. I envelop the familiarity of my cloths, finding comfort in the safety it promised. I am okay, I lied to myself. Just fine.

I repeated that mantra until I cross the threshold of my haven. I will erase him for the time being. That was my resolution until he showed up with his parents in tow. Discombulated. That was the word that described how I felt. Did they come here to torture me? Knowing what they were capable of, their intent could possibly be malicious.

"Father! Oh, how are you feeling?You left so unexpectedly that it gave us a scare! Tanaka reassured us that you had felt unwell, but I still wanted to check up on you. He told us to wait it out to today," Rachel fuses. She's worried, and uplifts my spirits briefly. She pauses so I can interject.

"I must have been a bout of tiredness. I have not been sleeping well. I am sorry if I caused any troubles," I bow my head in apologies. This also gave me the chance to recollect myself because I saw him. The devil of my eye.

It is Vincent that responds, "It caused no complications at all. Except...you had missed on the second part of the good news," If the other half was like the first, I might have to move to another state to get away from my heart-break. "We decided that to amplify Ciel's transition from a boy to a man with values and prestige, he needs to be taught morals. And who is better qualified to teach him about righteousness than a priest himself. We understand if you were to decline our proposition. It is last minute, but we would be awfully grateful if you would consider taking Ciel as an apprentice of sorts. Ciel will be on his best behavior when he is in your vicinity." Hope. His face as well as Rachel's were full of hope. I feared to hope. I should say no. Make up a reason why Ciel couldn't be here. Here with me. Nothing good can come out of it. I knew this yet...the allure of the forbidden fruit was too much. Ciel's charm was irresistable.

"I...would be more than honored to have the privilege of being Ciel's mentor. I don't want to let down your expectations, though," It was the truth. Teaching him of scriptures and morality seemed uncomplicated, but keeping his innocence intact might be more challenging. Self restraint was a given in my kind of work, but this was pushing the limits by far.

"You could never disappoint us, Sebastian. We whole heartedly belive in you," Rachel swears. Vincent mimics her agreement with a firm nod. Being in the line of work he was in, Vincent rarely displayed how he truly felt. Ciel had inherited that from his father, I suppose.

She hugs me and embraces Ciel for a minute or so. I am perplexed. I wait until she releases him to inquire the meaning behind her actions. I am cut short when Vincent offers a handshake for Ciel then tugs him forward for a brief, tender bear hug. My puzzlement grows. That is when I notice the suitcases in the distance. I must have been more weary than I thought.

Vincent follows my line of vision and volunteers an explanation, "We had an inkling that you would agree in regards to your kind nature. Rachel and I came to a consensus that Ciel would learn more if he were to be immersed in this environment and your company. If that is too much to handle, you can always decline or send him home. You know where we live, after all," I could tell Vincent was a little hesitant. As if I would revoke my compliance. If I were reluctant before, I was jubilant now. Second after second, minute after minute, hour after hour: I had him to myself. Without her. Without the chains that bind him. Then again, the shackles that had been uplifted from him should transition on to me, for precautionary reasons.

"He can stay here. If he gets too homesick, we will venture back to your home. He will be fine. I promise you that," I capture his gaze. I try to convey that I would die before I let any harm come to Ciel, and by the way his eyes soften, he comprehends my message.

"Thank you so much for this, Father. We will come tomorrow to see Ciel's progress," a weak defense from Rachel. It is hard for a mother to let go of her only son, especially so soon after she had just gotten him back. It was only natural for her to worry. She gives him one last squeeze. She whispers something in his ear, but it is so low that I can not pick up what is being said. Vincent does the same after she relinquished her grip on him. She turns to me and bids me a goodbye. Vincent steps closer to me, and I feel something pressed against me. I feel my robes rustle and the pressure gains in strength. I look up at him. He leans in. He disregards my personal space because I can smell him. Cologne, suiting his power and a tinge of something soft like lavender. It was very peculiar, mainly because he was closing more of the distance between the two of us. I can feel his lips lightly brush my cheek until he reaches my ear. I can feel each word he says to me more than I can hear it. The object that was held to me transfers to my hand as he finishes up what he needed to say. He remains close to me, giving me the shield I required to hide the thing into my robes. He steps back, clasps my shoulder, and then places his hand on his wife's back and leads her out. The doors closes, leaving me with Vincent's final words and my sin. They echo and reverberate in my temporal lobe. The item that he gave me feels heavy and becomes more dense as I glance at Ciel. Everything makes sense to me now. The engagement, the impromptu lessons, the sudden need to relocate their son. How could I be so ignorant?

"Sebastian, please..."


	11. Chapter 10

Thanks for the reviews. I'm glad people are curious about the story. Let me just say this: Shit is about to go down! Enjoy and review more!

After Vincent and Rachel leave, I guide Ciel into the private sector that I occupy. I carry his luggage in my left hand while the right grips Ciel's. I am so preoccupied by Vincent's plea that I don't take any amount of pleasure that arises from our skin contacting. In fact, it makes me ill.

We finally reach my room, and I place his things against the wall. I unclasp our hands and recoil from him. He stands in the door way looking...lost. In my state, though, I can not entertain the idea of comforting Ciel. Instead, I sit on the edge of my bed, placing my head in my hands in a defeated manner. And I am defeated in a sense. Vincent's words made sure that I would never be able to recover from this blow. I am forever crippled as Ciel should be and probably is.

An interval of time elapses until I gather my courage to look at Ciel. The memories of yesterdays events seem frivolous, and yet, I yearn for that simple time. Where my biggest fear was turning my back on God and Ciel turning his on me.

I collect my thoughts before I address him, "Ciel, how long have you known?" From what I gather from Vincent, this must have been planned for days. His head snaps up and this is the first time that I have seen him so defenceless and weak.

"They told me a week ago," That is all he says to me. The expression on his face inflicts so much pain to my heart that I jolt up and embrace him. This is the second time I held him, but all I can focus on is him. Him and the heavy burden he is forced to lug around. He does not demonstrate any sign of discontentment, which reveals to me how broken he really is. I feel tears soak my robes, and I press his face closer to me.

A knock resounds in my room and instinctively push Ciel behind me. The door is not locked but the uninvited guest makes no attempt to open it. I search for any weapon that I can use; it's pointless though because the person speaks. The voice is familiar and I sigh in relief. I open the door for Tanaka.

"Tanaka, come in. Vincent...said you would be here soon," He promptly comes in, dropping the bags next to Ciel's. His face is grim until he sees a distraught Ciel. He reaches for him in the same way I had previously. "I am going to go check the front. Will you two be okay for now?" I need to be cautious now that I know everything. I would rather be here with Ciel, but his safety comes first before his emotional distress. Tanaka says yes and I walk out.

I stop and lean on the wall for support. At last, I let Ciel's father's farewell fully implant in my mind. His last words he would probably say to me.

_"Sebastian, please... Please keep him safe. They are coming for him again. You need to hide him. Protect him. Erase him. I'm afraid that this might be the last time I will see him and you. My men informed me that they are planning an attack soon, and we can't risk Ciel being captured another time. Take this gun. Use it at any cost. Tanaka will bring you some more with money. He will also be here to offer protection for Ciel. I am trusting you, Sebastian. Don't let him out. Don't bring him home. Guard him with your life," he pauses. "Pray for our souls, Father." _

That was his final request of me, and it caused me so much grief. His words told me that he accepted his fate. His impending death. The metal contraption that is tucked in my pants makes me tremble in fear. If there were a bad fellow at my door instead of Tanaka, I would have gotten myself killed and Ciel taken. I never held or used a gun before and I hoped that I will never have to. For Ciel, though, I would do what I must in order to save him.

I push off the wall and dart outside of my area and into the church itself. I scan the room, trying to confirm that no threat is present. There are few people in the house of worship, like it typically is on a Monday morning. They are all regulars and as calmly as I can fake, give a smile. All I want to do is close the church. Blockade anyone from entering but that would just cause suspicion, and we need to be discreet and normal. Since everyone is praying, I go to the very back to keep watch and to pray. I beg God to spare the tragic ending that Vincent and Rachel are prepared to receive. To give me the mentality to keep Ciel safe, no matter what the cost might entail. To never let these horrible demons get their claws on Ciel again.

By the time I finish my prayer, the place is vacant. I take this moment of solitude to take out the gun that resides in my clothes. It is a simple handgun. The information I have of this tool is scarce, but I do know that it is loaded and the safety is in place. Hopefully, it will never have to be moved.

The creak of the door alerts me of another presence. I rush in putting the gun underneath me. I do not recognize this person, and that puts me on edge. He is tall, with fair skin. He wears glasses and his hair seems slick. I watch him as he searches for something. He stops his movements when he spots me. My heart starts racing, and my non visible hand inches closer to the weapon that I had hidden. He strides over to me. I am now lightly perspiring.

"Are you the priest of this venue?" He is unusually stoic, and I am becoming more prudent by the second. There is nothing that should cause this distrust I feel, but is undeniably there in the pit of my stomach. I nod in replace of using my words for I am not sure if I can speak without incriminating myself. "My name is Will Spears. Mr and Mrs Phantomhive told me that I should come to you to help with Ciel's predicament. Do you know where he is?"

I have yet to stand up, and I am glad I didn't. My legs would have render me incapable of staying in an upright position anyways. My skepticism about this man was right. He was not hired by Vincent. Though I do not know the business side of him, Vincent would not trust his son's well-being to a cold person such as Spears. This person was the enemy looking for information on Ciel's whereabouts. I swallow my revulsion and terror, and say, "I am deeply sorry, sir, but I have not seen the Phantomhives since yesterday evening. If I may ask, what kind of predicament is Ciel in exactly?" I do not have to feign the concern in my voice. Will's facial features never change, impelling me to infer that he is just one of the many looking for Ciel. I am positive that this was not the first place they stopped by since they arrived.

"I am not at liberty to answer that. I must be going now. Thank you for your help," he turns to the exit. I am about to absolve the tension in my body until he whips back to face me. I hold my breath. "If you don't mind, may I take a look around." He does not wait for a reply. He moves row by row, closing in to the front. The door that leads to my rooms is now in his sights, and I know that I will have to make a move before he does. I pick up the gun, switching the safety off. Despite my shaking hand, I take aim. My finger hovers over the trigger, and though I try to keep my eyes open, they shut in unease. Lord, forgive me for my sin.

A tremendous bang makes my chest heave and eyes open. Mr. Spears is no longer standing. I tread out of the aisle, dragging my soiled soul closer to the fallen man. I am above him. His face is pressed in the ground.

"Put it away, Sebastian. It's okay," A hand lowers my arm. Tanaka moves over to Will and lifts him up. I move the safety back on and tuck it back into my pants. I lend my assistance to my dear friend as he drags the limp body to the empty seats.

"Thank you for sparing me from...you know," I gratefully say to him. We lay Spears down and move back.

"I didn't think they would start the search so abruptly. I am just glad that we can use the excuse that I hit him will opening the door, which effectively knocked him out," he smiles and I return it. Whatever the case may be, Tanaka put Will out of commission so I did not have to. I was going to ask him how he did it, but the door to the entrance opened. A blonde, young man with a carefree smile marched toward us.

"What happened to Will? Oh, my name is Ronald Knox, by the way." Though he looked innocent, he was a co-conspirator with Will.

I consider letting Tanaka talk, but I think that my status may lure Knox into believing our scenario. "I am afraid that my comrade here opened the door while Will was reaching for it. He must have hit his head," I act as if this is a pity but inside I am rejoicing.

Ronald takes the bait and grabs Will's body. "He can be so dense sometimes. I am sooo sorry for any trouble. I'll just take him now." He starts to carry Will out and I offer my help, but he denies. The more they think that I am just a kind priest, hopefully they will never come here again.


	12. seven days

Sorry that it has been so long since I updated this, but I didn't get a lot of reviews last time, so I was a little reluctant to write quickly. Anyways, this is short since there is going to be a time jump next chapter. Review, and I will write faster! Oh, Ace will probably be updated in a day or so. Then Apathy is next. Enjoy.

The peace, and the term was used loosely, maintained for a week. They did not step foot into the house of God nor did they badger the townsfolk, or so I hear. We were confined in the church for safety, but we were also confined in the tormenting abilities of our capable minds. We dwelled over different things. I assume my worries, in correlations to Ciel, were nonexistent. Things like our well-being, the Phantomhives' lives, and so forth were my line of thoughts. Ciel's probably revolved around how his life was forever changed and how he could never strive to live a normal one. It seems Ciel's trials never end, and it makes me question why our Savior is putting this small child through so much pain. Nevertheless, I pray for Ciel to be free any more hardship. I can't bare to see him hiding his tears in the refuge that is my bathroom.

It seems lying has become quite common as of late. Though I have reason to deceive people considering the circumstances, even now, I am not being honest with myself. There is one more problem that plagued my mind constantly. More than the fear of dying or of Ciel being taken away from me. It was irrational. Inconceivable, really, to be this petrified of debauching Ciel, yet it was the there. The inescapable need for him. Lurking, waiting for me to let my guard down. Waiting for a moment that he would show a hint of consent. I knew it would never happen, but my subconscious disagreed. In the midst of this terror, my dreams were infected with the blue-eyed beauty that laid on my bed as I slept on the floor next to him. It was sick and so sweet at the same time. It dawned on me that Ciel would never obtain a place that was safe because even now, a beast roamed free. A beast that would not be subdued until it got what it wanted. At times, the beast won. Small little victories that warded him off for a while. A gesture of comfort turned into something more for me. The contact imprinted itself in the inter-workings of my brain, satisfying the part of me that I never knew existed. It made it easier for the dreams to intensify in reality since the heat was no longer alien to me. I berated myself in multiple occasions when the urge to pleasure myself was present. I belittled my existence when the urge to pleasure _him_ was present. I could never capture the monster in me, and I don't think I wanted to in some cases. It reassured me to know that even though everything around us was in disarray, my body was normal, providing stability. The beast was now my friend, and I think I would be awfully sad if it would exiled...

When the week ended, that is when the news came forth. It was a shock though it shouldn't have been to us. It was pitiful how unprepared we were for the information we all expected from the beginning of this whole fiasco. Still, the moment when it reached our ears, I almost cursed Him for crippling our hope, and for breaking Ciel. I thought that his tears would have a limit. I thought that I had already seen his lowest point, but I hadn't. Not until now. Now, when he collapses into himself, weeping for his loss. Now, when he starts to claw at his face, his arms, or any skin that his uncovered by his clothing. Now, when he reaches for the gun that was laying on my dresser. Or now, when he fumbles to disengage the safety on the gun. I don't give him the chance to succeed. I hit it out of his hand, and pull him to my chest.

He is deformed. It is as if he shriveled up from the knowledge that his parents will never again give him the love that they showed him. Holding him was like holding the skin of a snake that had shed recently: hollow, lacked luster, and a shell of the previous owner. It was also so fragile that it could break in my hands...just like Ciel. How do you protect someone who didn't want protection in the least? It would be a difficult task, but I would never stop trying. It was God's will to place Ciel in this town, and I must follow my path.

Though I wanted to cry, I withheld my tears. Ciel should see me as a pillar, not a crack, so I hide my agony. Tanaka, too, did not show his sadness. He was just as stoic as he was before, which I knew was for Ciel's sake. Everything we did was for Ciel's sake, even if the things we did seemed wrong to others. We just wanted to protect him. Protect him from the bad people and from himself. That's why we used restraints. We didn't want to do it. It pained us to keep his hands bundle like a prisoner, but he was trying so hard to...kill himself since he heard about his parents. We tried to persuade him not to try, but he never listened. We loved Ciel. When we put a temporary form of a gag in his mouth, it was not out of cruelty, but love. He was attempting to bite his tongue off, and that was the only choice that we could think of at that moment. When we put a sedative in his food that we coerced him to eat, we only considered Ciel's frantic tries to ram his head through the walls. The things we did we are all for him.

The town became quiet with either remorse or tranquility. My trips into the city revealed that the new incomers had gone. There was suspicion that the foreigners murdered Rachel and Vincent, but for the most part, it was speculation. The police did not take any grand measures to find out who did it. They labeled it as a homicide, but that was all. Ciel's parents would never obtain justice. A part of me was glad that Ciel couldn't hear what was happening outside. If he heard how gruesome their death actually was, no amount of restraints would keep him from harming himself. It was a blessing in disguise that we had to keep him locked in the church. If he knew, it would be over.


End file.
